The Daily Muse...

Sweet Sisters

2011-08-11T11:15:00.000-05:00

Growing Up

2011-03-12T18:06:00.001-06:00

Andrew and I like to talk about how life will be "when we grow up." Amusingly, our kids have caught onto this silly phrase and often as, "Mom and Dad, when you grow up, can we..."! It totally cracks me up. One of the things we've always said we would do when we grew up was to buy a house. You know, our own house. Not leased, not rented. Ours. With the market the way it is here in Detroit, lots of people have lost their jobs... and then their homes. A lot of these people are families who want to rent homes, not just apartments, so the rental home market has become SUPER saturated and VERY much the sellers market. And the housing market has become over saturated with these great homes these unfortunate families have lost... creating the perfect storm for an amazing buyers market.

Andrew and I have always rented. Some of the places have been, er... less than ideal. Not our current home. We lucked into this rental home when we moved to Michigan for his medical rotations three years ago. Two of my dear friends, Melody and Erin, called to congratulate us for matching to medical rotations 3rd and 4th year at Henry Ford Wyandotte like their husbands had the year before on match day 2008. As luck would have it, they just so happened to be at my dear friend Anona's house for a playdate at the time, and when we put together that her family would be moving into their new (grown up) home just in time for us to move to Michigan, she was so awesome to offer us the awesome house that they were currently renting. That very day we were able to secure this sweet home for our family to live in through rotations and graduation. It was such a blessing. The rent is incredibly low, the landlords could not be more awesome (seriously, they have become surrogate grandparents to my children!) the location could not be more perfect, the fully fenced yard is a dream come true, and the ward we were in... simply the best. We are actually something like the fifth or sixth LDS/KCOM family that has lived here. The landlords are an older couple-- he grew up in this house and never wanted to give it away-- so they baby it. They are old fashioned and love "us kind of people" and are so confident in the type of LDS families that live here that they won't take a deposit or make us sign a lease-- much less charge rent that is even kind of close to what the place is worth. Awesome. BUT-- it's a bit on the small side. With three bedrooms (one is the converted attic) and only one tiny little bathroom, our family of six (soon to be seven) has simply outgrown the goodness of the house. Even more, Andrewa got an awesome residency position last year after graduating and starting an Emergency Medicine Residency at St. Mary Mercy Hospital in Livonia... which is about 45 minutes from where we live now. The 1 1/2-2 hour daily commute has taken a toll on my man and on our budget over the last year. There is no denying it. We need a new house. It needs to be closer to Andrew's work. BUT-- finding a sweet place to lease where the price is right like this one we've got here has proven impossible.

So. We. MUST. Grow. Up.

For the year we've been casually looking, now and then, at homes to buy. Several times the magnitude of actually owning a home has weighed too heavily on our juvenile minds and we've feverishly searched the lease/rental ads too. But nothing seemed to be panning out. Somehow though in the last week, miracle after miracle has occurred. First, our lender called us with a sweet deal on a doctor's mortgage that is too good to turn down. Next day, our agent found a home new on the market that will fit our needs to a T.

Really, the place is a dream come true. Not too big, not too small. Great yard, awesome garage, perfect location (less than a mile from Andrew's work, in one of Livonia's most sought after family neighborhoods). It's old enough to have character and charm, but has recently been completely refinished by an awesome company who refinished the original wood floors (they are so beautiful... they make me want to cry!) They also completely updated the electrical and plumbing systems, installed new energy efficient windows, furnace, and air conditioner systems, painted everything, added perfect light fixtures, and, to ice this beautiful cake-- they also gutted and completely refinished the kitchen and bathrooms to be charming and up to date with beautiful appliances and granite counters that make me want to cry.

What is the catch, you ask? Miraculously, there really isn't one. Yet. The price is RIGHT! Our mortgage with insurance and taxes will be several hundred dollars less that what we would have paid for a much smaller, yucky apartment or home anywhere near Andrew's hospital. It is well within our budget. We've got enough saved to close and get into the home-- and maybe even a little to buy something pretty to put inside it. We love everything about the home that has seemed to just fall into our laps.

But. We. MUST. Grow. Up.

And this is so hard to do for little Andrew and baby Ruth. The last couple of days we've been busy signing contracts, faxing documents, making good faith deposits, and NEGOTIATING. Ohhh.... Blehhh... negotiating. BOO. Those who know me best know that I HATE HATE HATE negotiating. I know how to debate. I know how to stand up for things. I do. But, I rarely have the fight in me to actually want something enough to disagree with someone over it. I'd rather just get along, you know?! So this whole process has been torture for me. Back and forth and back and forth and threats of walking and back and forth again. Oh! I'd honestly rather clean 1,000 toilets than go through this process. But-- I keep thinking that, if all goes right, with a little luck and a whole lot of divine goodness... This beautiful home could be OURS in as little as a month from now.

So.... there is nothing left to do. We gotta grow up. Now. Oh, and pray a lot. Because getting to own this home might just be, well, miraculous. It's that perfect.
Fingers crossed, right! Wish us luck. We're gonna need it.

Pictures to come as soon as we can. Be warned though. You might cry. It's that pretty. ;)

Surprise! Really.

2011-03-03T20:13:00.002-06:00

So, I've been putting off making a post, or a comment, or really an announcement of any kind for a little longer than I maybe should have. The truth of the matter is that I was hoping to get my head around things before I shared anything, and I'm not sure I'm 100% there yet. However, I've been reminded a lot lately that "sharing means caring"... so, I would like to share some news. We are surprised and happy to announce that our family is just shy of 24 weeks away from welcoming a new precious baby into our family. I know it will be less than that as this will be the forth C-section, and with our history it might even been sooner than that, but we're nearly 17 weeks into this thing and we're committed and we're feeling like things are going to be okay. :)

If you know me at all, you know that surprises are not my thing. At all. In the least. In fact, I am probably the worlds most immature person when it comes to a surprise. It's that bad. So, the first thing I'm learning in all of this is to trust more in the Lord than in myself. Also, I'm learning to slow way down and enjoy the simple things that life brings to one who lives in the slow lane. And I'm learning to rely on others a lot more than I ever thought I would. So, good for me, fun for my kids, bad for my friends. If I have any friends left at the end of this, it will be a miracle.

Anyway, are you surprised? Me too. :) In a week or two we'll be able to share the gender. This is a big deal as this baby will be the tiebreaker, so you can just imagine the tension around our house as we wait. Some have suggested that it might be fun to wait and see... however, those people need to refer back to my comments regarding my feelings about surprises. So, I'll let you know. Possibly in a timely fashion. Here's hoping.

Merry Christmas 2010

2010-12-23T17:13:00.001-06:00

Another free digital greeting card by Smilebox

Eternal Increase

2010-11-04T08:58:00.001-06:00

For family home evening this week my sweet sister let me borrow her bike and bike trailer. This meant that we had bikes for everyone in the family-- so we headed eagerly out for a bike ride to Lake Erie Metro Park. I couldn't beleive Emma made it over three miles on her new little birthday bike. What a big girl she is becoming!

Afterward, we stopped at the mini park and let the kids play while Andrew loaded up. This is a photo of my baby Lilian enjoying the perfect fall evening.I know, I know... she's 18 months old. But, as I love to tell my oldest, Noah... they will ALWAYS be a babies to me. This will be worse, of course, for poor little Lilian because she is the caboose to our earthly train. I catch myself all the time wishing that time would just slow down and let her stay little for a little longer. I love babies-- I really just can't get enough of them. As a little girl I used to dream of the day when I would be a mother. I told my mom that I wanted twenty babies of my own one day-- triplets, twins, and a few on their own. But four is what I've been given... and oh, how my heart is full.

Becoming a mother and learning to nurture these precious, helpess little angels has been undeniably my greatest adventure. I know that the fun has just begun and that there are many, many adventures that are waiting just around the river bend, but sometimes I wish that time would just stop for us more often like it did on this perfect fall evening... while my babies can stay young and innocent.

Through them, I am coming to more fully understand what the Savior meant when having summoned a little child, He set him in the midst of them and said, “Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:1, 2–4). For we must come unto Him “as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father” (Mosiah 3:19). Thank God for our precious, perfect little children. Thank God for every moment we have with them. And thank God that in Him is life eternal, increase forever, and moments as precious and joy filled as this truly perfect evening together.

I feel so much safer...

2010-11-04T08:27:00.002-06:00

Some of our friends and family were a bit upset when they heard we were moving to Detroit... you know, because of safety concerns and such. But don't worry-- we have a top notch police force, equiped with police dogs and everything. I totally feel safer just knowing that. Don't you?

(you might need to enlarge the photo to get the full effect-- sorry my camera phone is not the best!)

The Sisters Cafe

2010-07-17T21:08:00.002-05:00

I never thought I would catch myself saying that I love to cook. I didn't grow up that way. I didn't enter my marriage that way. I didn't even get through our first several years of wedded bliss actually enjoying the process of preparing food. Eating is a whole different story. I love to eat-- actually that might be a grave understatement of the obsession I have with finding delicious things and putting them in my mouth. I LOVE TO EAT. But-- the process of preparing the food never was a passion of mine nor, I must admit, a forte in ANY sense of the word until about four years ago. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I was not brought up by a very talented mother who--amongst other things-- was a wonderful cook (love you mom!) But it wasn't until we moved to Kirksville four years ago that the cosmic forces of all things good came together to create the perfect storm for my current obsession with cooking AND eating. It was that vital mix of a new found poverty, a VERY small town, and LOTS of incredibly talented cooks for friends that really developed in me the NEED to learn to love to cook. My paternal extended family has a fabulous book they published when I was young--The Harper Family Cookbook-- I was given my own copy when I got married. I had-- up until the point we started medical school-- cooked only a very limited selection of the items the book contained-- and most of them were recipes I had learned to love growing up because they were the ones that were seeped in family tradition-- Grandma Harding's famous potato salad--- Marv's favorite waffles-- Grandma Harper's signature chocolate chip cookies. But in Kirksville a newfound longing for home led me to systematically make my way through the cookbook-- cooking any and all of the recipes that I felt my somewhat juvenile tastebuds could handle. It was great. Those first few months of cooking meals from scratch (not frozen, boxed, or to-go!) on a very regular basis was one filled with a GREAT deal of trial-and-error and of saint-like patience on the part of my husband. He was a really great sport who would try anything I made and would muscle past his gag reflex on even the worst meals. The learning curve was huge, but, luckily I was surrounded by a band of dear friends who were always up for swapping ideas, tips, and RECIPES!!! I was thrilled when I found out that the Student Advocate Association had put out their own recipe book filled with the best loved recipes of all of these girls I appreciated and admired and I was quick to snap up each years edition all through medical school. And boy-- were they each little treasure chests! I found by the time I was working my way through our third book that there were several people I could always rely on for AWESOME recipes. If a recipe has their name listed under it-- I might as well just copy it down and put it in our "favorites" folder before I even made it, because it would inevitably become a beloved family favorite. Amongst those who I loved the most were my friends Katherine and Erin. Katherine-- who has her own fabulous cooking blog that I really enjoy reading (click here )--is just awesome. She is really great at putting incredible menus together and has this magical way of making veggies seem appetizing... which, for me, is HUGE! Then there is Erin. As my kids have gotten older, they've also gotten more interested in the process of planning and preparing our family meals. So I have, in turn, gladly given them more and more responsibility in picking and preparing them. Often before I go shopping, I'll send them to our favorite recipe binder to choose a couple of the weeks meals. One week Noah had done something or other awesome so I told him could choose ALL the meals we would eat that week. He spent quite some time picking and choosing recipes from amongst our favorites. I was totally amused when he came back with seven awesome choices... all his favorites... all recipes I'd gotten from Erin! I was thrilled to learn that Erin and her awesome sisters started a blog sometime back where they post all their favorite recipes-- complete with commentary, photos, and LOTS of fun. Now, whenever we feel like something new, I know just where to turn- their blog, The Sisters Cafe. There. I hope you enjoy it! No—who am I kidding. I KNOW you’ll love it. Bon appétit!

LOVING Sarah's adorable justbeadit watches!

2010-02-04T19:18:00.002-06:00

My friend Sarah makes the most adorable interchangeable watches... they are so awesome-- you choose the watch face you want and then you can choose different bands to go with it based on what you like to wear, etc. She even takes custom orders! Check out her blog HERE and her etsy shop HERE. I'm totally looking forward to getting my hands on one! Which one is your favorite?

The State of the Union

2010-01-27T12:50:00.002-06:00

Okay... I just can't help myself. Aside from general conference, I think the State of the Union is one of my FAVORITE events of the year. I'm sure tonight will be no different. No matter how anyone feels about the man in the office at any given point, there is no denying that there is something truly majestic about watching unitedly as the wonder of our democratic republic comes center stage this night every year.

As many of those close to me know, I am a BIG fan of President Obama... I (really) have no problem paying taxes... you get what you pay for, after all, and I like things high quality and in order and am not a big fan of excessive debt... so raise my taxes, please, I am honored to pay good money that I am blessed with the ability to earn to invest in a nation that has been and can once again be truly great. I've been blessed by the programs that our government provides and I will fight tooth and nail to keep them up and running for one and all... I feel a moral obligation to ensure the basic necessities of life for all human beings-- particularly those who are blessed to be American-- and I see my democratically elected government as the only plausible solution for seeing to it that this be done... I think that the more money we invest in education, the better we will be as a whole... and I LOVE international cooperation and see it as the only way to maintain the greatness of who we are as a nation. As the proud granddaughter of one of the original co-sponsors of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, I can't deny that I am thrilled that the time has finally come when a black man can hold the highest office in our country, and as a woman I can't deny that I LOVE the President's firm commitment to ensuring liberty and the social justice for all members of our society... and most of all I love that I have the right to say the things that I feel and believe and that others have the right to freely and openly disagree and that this open exchange of ideas and values is protected because we have the freedom of speech, religion, and association just because we were lucky enough to be born in a place and time when we have the God given rights to do so... while at the same time feeling a great urgency to work ardently towards providing for and protecting these same rights for all human beings world wide. I think that government can be the solution and that people still have power to make a difference in the world and I KNOW that one voice can still be heard because my voice has been heard each and every time I've stepped up to the political plate. I feel honored tonight and always to take seriously my pledge to to remain "subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law"...

I can't wait to hear tonight's speech and all of the commentary that will lead up to and follow it... but even more so, I am excited to see, once again, our country pull together and experience something wonderful as people from all political backgrounds and all walks of life tune in to check the pulse of our great nation. So-- come 9pm eastern time there is no need to wonder where my dial will be. Happy State of the Union day to one and all!!!

Overwhelmed

2010-01-25T15:22:00.004-06:00

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I don't know why, really. When I think about my tiny life from the massive perspective of the grand scheme of things, I have very little to worry about... very little to do... and yet today I find myself looking at my rather large list of things to do this week and feeling a little inadequate and very overwhelmed. There is just one thing to do. Break out the caramel truffles, pour a nice glass of diet pepsi on the rocks- with a twist of fresh lemon- (in one of the fancy glasses, of course...), put on my comfiest slippers, throw a pan of my famous brownies in the oven, and sit down to blog about it while the air fills with the sweet smell of everything-is-gonna-be-okay... :) Ahhh- I feel better already.

Happy Monday!

Family Photos 2009

2009-12-22T10:07:00.002-06:00

Last Friday we met my very talented friend Tobey Roos in this adorable little Michigan town called Fenton where she spent about 45 minutes snapping away. It was freezing cold but the kids were really great and Tobey did a really great job! Anyway, here are some of the highlights. Click HERE to see them all! Merry Christmas one and all.
Love,
The Goughs

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Gough Family 2009

2009-12-03T08:57:00.001-06:00

I LOVE COUPONS

2009-11-19T08:46:00.006-06:00

The last couple of years I have been staying at home nearly full time with our beautiful kids while Andrew has been going out into the big bad world (okay... medical school) and bringing home the bacon (okay... students loans... whatever!!) Anyway, things have been tight, but really cushy, if you know what I mean. Whoever says that being able to stay home and raise your kids right isn't the ultimate gig is nuts. It is the best job ever. After moving from Missouri to Michigan our cost of living month to month almost doubled while our income stayed about the same. So... we were faced with the choice of me going back to work or figuring out some creative ways to make things stretch thinner than they already were which honestly seemed like and impossible task. So... I started updating my resume and polishing my interviewing skills ready to get back into the game just in time for our stake to put together an awesome provident living fair. So Andrew and I loaded up the gang and headed to the stake center for the fair... mostly planning on seeing lots of friends and feeling warm and fuzzy for supporting the leaders in their efforts and such. But, what we found that day has REALLY changed our lives. There were tons of really interesting booths on everything from building your own solar oven from a cardboard box to first aid on a shoestring to how to fix your car by yourself to how to teach your children to work. All of the booths were interesting and informative and you could tell that the people who had been asked to put them together had really put their hearts into it. When I saw the booth on using coupons to shop I have to admit that I kind of rolled my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I love LOVE love saving money and bargain shopping has always been a favorite pastime of mine, but my previous experiences with coupon shopping had left me SUPER skeptical of using coupons... I had found myself buying things I didn't want and would probably never use and not being able to buy what I needed when I needed it and spending WAY more money that I would have otherwise. Add to that the fact that I have NEVER been a person who has planned my meals and then made a list and gone to the store with it... I considered the grocery store a place of discovery, inspiration, and creativity and enjoyed going to the store each week to find what combination of what's-on-sale and what-looks-delicious would make its way onto our table. BUT-- the girl at the coupon table looked sweet and cute and...okay...a little lonely, so I decided I would go listen to what looked like was a VERY well planned presentation and BOY AM I GLAD I DID!!!! She started out by uncovering three groups of items she had gotten at the store the previous week. She told us to estimate how much she had spent on them... keeping in mind that she had gotten them on sale and using coupons. I was excited about this assignment because I consider myself an excellent bargain shopper and I thought I had a pretty good idea of what a good deal on all of these items would be. I was impressed that she had lots of what I considered "luxury" items... like expensive shampoo and brand name clinical strength deodorant... ahhh... I added up what I thought I good deal would be on the items and then divided it in half... figuring she must have got a really good deal on things or she wouldn't have brought it to her presentation. For one group, I thought she had spent around $30... another about $20, and another $15. I was completely taken back to find that she had spent less than $5 on the first... plus earned register rewards... a foreign term to me at the time... $2 on the second... with extra care bucks... again... what?! and she had MADE MONEY on the third group... WHAT!!!!! I was intrigued but still VERY skeptical. How could someone learn to shop like that? She must spend hours every week clipping, sorting, planning, shopping, etc. Right? She must occasionally have to resort to shady means of scoring these deals... Right? She must live, eat, drink, and breath coupons... RIGHT? She politely anwsered other people's questions and then handed out a flier with resources for us all to look over at home. Enter Deal Seeking Mom and The Krazy Coupon Lady !! These are two of the websites the sister had put on the handout. I got home and looked them up and was hooked. These sites are full of ladies (and men) who take the tricky out of shopping with coupons and rebates and such and have made it possible for me to buy the brands I never could afford before, stay home with my kids full time, build a better than one year supply of food and personal care and household items, and even make money doing it. I spend about 4 hours on average each week looking over the websites, printing or ordering my coupons, and actually shopping. I shop the grocery stores (mainly Meijer and Kroger) and the drugstores (Rite Aid, CVS, and Walgreens) almost every week, and I LOVE IT!!! I buy things when they are on sale and "stack" this with manufacturer and store coupons... Catalinas... and even rebates! Oh... and I ONLY buy the brands I want. I get Aveeno, Nexxus, Secret Clinical, and lots of other brands that were way beyond our student budget means before and MAKE MONEY DOING IT... I get all of our itunes gift cards for free... I go out to eat with my husband using our gift cards I scored using coupons and I buy my kids birthday and Christmas gifts (think books, art supplies, Wii games, leapfrog systems and more) free or dirt cheap (Christmas this year is DONE and ready to be wrapped this weekend... and it cost us less than $25 for over $500 worth of gifts for our kids, family, and friends...

Sound tricky? It is at first. It's a whole new language. But, it is totally worth learning. Deal seeking mom and Krazy coupon lady have simple tutorials and beginner links for getting started. Store cashiers and managers are always happy to anwser your questions and help you maximize your savings. Sometimes they will even take notes to score the deals for themselves. Really.

Things I have learned:

1. Stop searching the weekly ads for yourself-- Wednesday night I do a google search for the store and then the ad date (for example Walgreens 11/22-- the ads start on Sunday) then I look for the slickdeals forum link and click on it. I look at all of the deals all of the "pros" have picked out from the ads-- they will even match them up with the coupons you will want to "stack" them with so all you have to do is click and print them or go to your favorite coupon clipper to order them. I check out and every day to see what deals are here and things to come.

2. Stop clipping coupons-- unless you already pay for a Sunday paper and you want to keep the paper for the news in it (I prefer to read online for free) there is no reason to buy the paper for the coupons-- in my experience you just end up paying WAY MORE for all of the coupons you are never going to use that will just clutter your life. Instead, wait until the Wed. before the week and then find out the next week's deals then print those that you can and order those that you can't.
The Coupon Carryout is my favorite... but if they are out I turn to ebay as well.

3. Start stocking up!!! When the "stars align" (a sale stacked with coupons and/or other offers like rebates or catalinas, register rewards, or extra care bucks) for items you use... STOCK UP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!!! When things are free... stock up for sure, when they are money makers... stock up even more... and for all other situations (like when you are going to have to actually pay money for something...blah)... determine what your highest price threshold is (like 25 cents for a box of cereal, or 15 cents for batteries, or 5 cents a diaper or whatever) and buy ONLY if you are in imminent need of the item (remember, there will always be another sale and the second you pay money for something, it will probably become free or a moneymaker in a week or two just to make you crazy!!) Think ahead for things like Christmas and birthday gifts and work in advance to get the things you want for these situations FREE beforehand rather than paying money you could otherwise save on the spot.

4. Join FREE groups like Bzz Network and Vocal Point... these organizations send you FREE ITEMS to try and review and tell others about with tons of high value coupons to use and spread around... ahhh....

5. ALWAYS use your free rebate site of choice when shopping online and ALWAYS go to retail me not to search for more online discounts on online purchases. Some credit cards, like discover, will give you big rebates through shopping through their links-- like 15% back at places like gap and old navy from time to time. I also use Ebates and Swag bucks to save money without doing anything on purchases I make online...nice...

6. SHOP RITE AID... Last month I made MADE made more than $80 in REAL LIVE CASH just by maximizing my use of their single check rebates program stacked with sales stacked with coupons... sounds tricky but if I can do it, anyone can. Deal seeking mom and Krazy coupon lady make is as simple as point, click, print... SAVE!!!

7. Keep an accurate, up to date database of everything you spend. Every penny. And everything you have saved. Every penny. It will make you VERY VERY happy to see how you are saving and see how your storge is growing and see how you are able to be giving and generous and still stay WAY under budget. You can do it!!!

Lilian

2009-08-28T05:59:00.002-05:00

So... I realize that this post is REALLY overdue... I'm sorry. BUT-- I am so happy to announce that Lilian Cherie Gough was born at 5:26 pm April 30, 2009. She weighed 5 lbs. 9 oz. and was 18 1/2 inches long. After some ups and downs she is doing awesome! Healthy, beautiful, beloved (you get the idea!)Adjusting to four has been more challenging than I anticipated, but I'm so happy and feel so blessed to be surrounded by such incredible spirits every day!

TGIF

2009-02-20T09:07:00.002-06:00

I just love Fridays. I find that overall they just tend to feel better than just about any other day of the week on a fairly consistent basis, and just thinking about them gives me a giddy little burst of joy that makes my little world a better place. As a kid, we used to look forward with great anticipation for the TGIF evening programming that always seemed to please our TV-starved appetites (my parents were really good about limiting TV time... something that took me until my own mommyhood to appreciate... thanks mom!) I remember bowls of popcorn and blankets and pillows thrown everywhere in our cozy living room as we cuddled up by the fireplace and watched live TV for something like two hours straight. It was awesome. Now-a-days we tend to get our fill-o-Friday by basking in the light of making fun weekend plans and getting excited for 48 hours of non-stop daddy/hunk-o-burnin'-love time. Ya, we're big fans of Andrew, and we love the idea of having him home all weekend long. This weekend will be especially awesome because it will be our last weekend together for a short spell. Bright and early Monday morning the kids and I are off to New Hampshire for a long-overdue visit with my big sister Rachel and her adorable little crew. Rachel will be jetting off for a week full of work and I will be in charge of 7 sweet little kiddos six and under! It is going to be so much fun!!! Noah and Emma have already started packing! But-- we will miss Andrew a great deal, and so, we are planning to take full advantage of the weekend ahead. Andrew is off today at noon, and we are planning to get all of the errands and work out of the way post haste so we can free up the evening and weekend for non-stop fun. Things on the list so far: family grocery store trip. Andrew and I have so much fun shopping together. Mostly, we like to make little challenges (think splitting the list 50/50 and having a boys vs. girls speed challenge... or giving each other a limit, say $5, and each being in charge of making an awesome dessert/dinner/etc. plan that fits the budget and whets the appetite) I'm not so good at coming up with these, but Andrew never seems to fail when it comes to the fun, so I am looking forward to what he has up his sleeves for the store this week! Also, just the thought of walking the hallowed halls of Whole Foods fills my little world with light and happiness. They mean it when they say "feel good about where you shop..." ahhhh... We are also looking forward to a long morning together with our little buddies Eirik and Joren tomorrow! Noah has already got his full horse collection out and set up in anticipation of a wonderful morning with a friend who is truly as much of a horse-lover as he is. And Joren is just a little sweet ham and we are so excited for our waffle-fest with them tomorrow morning. To top it all off, our best friends the Marlers are going to be swinging back our way from (what I hope has been) a very successful house/car hunt in Ohio this week, and we get them all afternoon AND overnight!!! I also get to hang out with my new-found-friends tomorrow at a baby shower for one of the most incredible women I have ever met. Noah is also hoping to be able to squeeze in a HSM party with his buddy Max, and Andrew and I might just sneak off at some point for a kid-free meal here or there! All in all... this weekend is going to rock! Thank goodness it is Friday! Heavenly Father loves us a lot-- he sends a Friday every single week. I'm so grateful! :) Happy Friday to all of you out there... what are your weekend plans???

Happy Birthday Dear Gracie!

2009-02-18T21:50:00.002-06:00

Today is my super-cute niece Grace's birthday! She is three. What a great age and an adorable little lady. She is an adorable little girl who is the perfect mix of rough-and-tumble and princess and lace. I love her big hugs and her heart-breaker smiles. She is tall and mature for her age-- in face Emma has really enjoyed the hand-me-ups that have been sent her way from Grace lately! Emma and Grace are the cutest little friends. They have always enjoyed one another, but this Thanksgiving when her family came all the way from New Hampshire to spend Thanksgiving with us, the two of them really seemed to bond and enjoy one another on a whole new level. This made Christmas at their place even more wonderful. I loved hearing their little giggles emanate from the princess tents from Grandma Cherie and loved seeing all of the different combinations of princess attire they concocted from a great little dress-up set Grace had been given for Christmas. I even loved hearing the two of them band together and fight back against their pesky older brothers. I have to admit that I was a little proud of them for standing up for themselves! In a lot of ways Grace and Emma remind me of Rachel and I-- mom loves talking about how close we were as little girls. But, in some ways, Grace and Emma have it even better. They are only six months apart in age, so they will be even closer in that regard than Rachel and I were (we are almost three years apart in ago)-- we just need to move closer together and the two of them will have it made! So, happy, happy third birthday to Grace! I love her and am so grateful to be her aunt! I love this picture that Rachel posted on her blog. So sweet, and so very, very Grace!

Primarily Speaking

2009-02-18T07:30:00.002-06:00

I am so excited! We've got an awesome primary in our ward. Andrew and I have had the great job of teaching the sunbeams for the past seven months. This has been especially special since January when little miss Emmaline joined our class. Recently I've been asked to serve as the primary president. I am so excited about the great opportunity to love and serve the children in our ward, and to work with some incredible leaders and teachers in the process! I know I am going to learn and grow so much, and I hope I don't completely destroy the program in the meantime! With the counselors and secretary, former leaders, teachers and other leaders in the organization there would be no way of that though. Hopefully they will all be patient with me as I learn! This years theme is "My Eternal Family", isn't that wonderful? The church's mission really is to support and assist families in coming unto Christ, so I love that this is the entire focus of the primary this year. So, who has fun ideas? Does anyone have good sites or ideas to share?

Cry me a river...

2009-02-12T11:41:00.002-06:00

-OR- just come play in the river that is making its way through our back yard. It's been raining pretty much non-stop for two days here in Michigan and our backyard is FULL of water. It is so sad because all Noah wants to do is go out and play in the water. Tuesday I did let the kids go out and play with friends in the back because the snow had melted and the tramp and swingset were just TOO alluring... but the puddles then were only a fraction of what they are now. I am not kidding when I say that they could probably drown in our little back yard pond. If it were summer, I would totally let them go splash around and have some fun. For one things, it wouldn't be as cold then, and for another I could just hose them down before they came inside (thus not tracking the wet mud up the steps, all through the kitchen, and over the beautiful cream carpet on the way to the shower...) I shouldn't be sad though. We really are blessed in this house-- and the yard really is my favorite part. After being "cooped up" inside our little yardless apartment in Kirksville for two years, it is awesome to have a huge, fully fenced back yard for the kids to run and play in, and a great big front yard with flower gardens to boot. But today they are full of rainwater, so we will watch our little river, or pond, or whatever it is from the window and dream of warmer, dryer days to come.

It's official

2009-02-08T18:41:00.002-06:00

I'M A MORON!!!

There are many, many things that I have done in my life that are embarrassing. I honestly stopped counting a long time ago because there are so very many. So many, in fact, that attempting to classify my follies is something like unto trying to classify my all-time-favorite classic films; daunting and, I think, pointless in the end.

My favored method for dealing with the ridiculous life I tend to lead is denial. I mean, how embarrassing are things REALLY if you just refuse to accept that they actually happened to you? Blocking out spending an entire major presentation with ones A-line skirt's zipper undone is WAY easier than dealing with it. Laughing about the "special" moments is another great trick of the trade. I found great relief in chucking myself to sleep the other night with my husband while retelling the embarrassment of emailing all of our local friends to encourage them to come out to playgroup despite the sub-zero temperatures last Thursday morning only to arrive and find that the playgroup coordinator was out sick and the church building was locked up with no one coming who had keys to unlock it-- then having to leave everyone bundled in their cars for almost 1/2 an hour while I feverishly went to get keys from someone who had them... really embarrassing, but also mildly humorous in retrospect, right?

BUT- there are a few memorable experiences which, try as I might, I just cannot block out or even laugh at. Losing the top portion of my red cross tankini bathing suit after proudly completing a perfect 1 1/2 flip and dive off the high dive at our local pool during the lifesaving graduation party is one of those that--12 years later-- still makes my stomach turn and face burn when I think about it. Falling asleep in-- what I thought was our cabin's front bedroom-- the first day at a resort full of identical cabins on a trip with the in-laws a while back only to be awakened hours later by complete strangers-- IN MY UNDERGARMENTS-- only to realize that I had fallen asleep in the cabin a row back is another sickening memory that, try as I might, I fail to see the humor in. I mean there are things that are funny-- locking yourself out of your car and having to use the courtesy phone to call AAA for help two weeks in a row from your grocery store- kinds funny. Letting morning sickness get the better of you in a prominent aisle of the same grocery store with three wild kids running around and a basket full of groceries and being asked to wait by the mess to avert anyone tripping in it while the store associate goes to look for help...NOT SO FUNNY.

The phone call I found myself making yesterday afternoon was one of those that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to find funny. You see, I had been busying myself with out ritualistic Saturday afternoon activities. I've found that getting myself, Andrew, and the kids up, fed, and dressed in our Sunday best, our fancy Sunday dinner in the oven to be ready for our return, all of us happy and in a good spirit, AND to church prior to 10am Sunday morning takes some serious Saturday afternoon preparation. It makes me happy when the dinner table is set, the dinner is prepped and in the fridge, our lesson is planned and packed up, and our sacrament meeting bag is packed and ready to go. Andrew indulges my strange need by tidying up with the kids and cleaning, washing, and fueling up the cars. We then let the kids choose their Sunday attire and I accessorize while Andrew presses and we hang everything up and then enjoy movies and games and usually frozen pizza or takeout or something festive. Things were going swimmingly yesterday afternoon. We were even looking forward to going out for the evening with the kids, and I was excited about the plans we were making. The table was set, the lesson was packed up, dinner was in the fridge, the sacrament meeting bag was finished, the cars were cleaned and ready, and the house was tidy. All of the kids outfits were pressed and hung and I was just putting the finishing touches on my attire when I went to get my black wool Sunday coat from its hanger-- only to find it jingle when I took it down. Finding that strange I checked the pockets only to find a set of keys, which, upon inspection I realized were not mine. Strange?! How did I get someone else's keys in my pocket? Important looking keys with car keys and house keys and other official and important looking keys. Hmmm... I racked my brain and ran it by Andrew and the kids-- we were all at a loss. I went back to "my" coat to check the other pockets, to find that they too contained things that I couldn't identify. Flummoxed, I went to hang the coat with the rest of our Sunday things only to realize when putting it onto the hanger that the coat that I was holding was not mine at all. Upon closer inspection I saw that the coat that I had somehow mistaken for my own was--in reality-- not very similar to mine at all. I mean, it was black, and it was wool, but any similarity stopped abruptly there. The cut was different, the style was different, the size was different. Sick to my stomach, I racked my brain trying to decide what to do. I mean, how do you go about returning someones coat (and keys, which, not doubt had been missed during this unusually cold and long week) which you have (innocently-- embarrassingly STUPIDLY) mistaken from your own, when you have no idea who the person could be? Andrew was literally in stitches, laughing so hard he could barely breathe as I stressed and cried and stressed some more about my embarrassing mistake. I mean, WHO STEALS SOMEONE ELSE'S COAT FROM CHURCH??? WHO??? Maybe if the coats were even remotely similar, it would be somewhat understandable... and if only it hadn't been almost a complete week for me to figure it out (how, I wondered, had I taken it down, worn it home, and hung it up without figuring out that the coat was not mine?! The mind boggles.) Anyway, I said a little prayer and went back to inspect the coat. It was then that I saw that behind the coat's tag was a little sticker which had been left by a dry cleaner. On it, there was the last name and first initial of the person whose coat it was. Andrew sweetly insisted that he would call the sweet sister whose coat I had inadvertently thieved and explain the situation-- trying to make me believe that it was most likely him that had grabbed the coat with the kids things after church while I was busy taking care of business, and that it was most likely all his fault- I was not losing my mind, he soothed. But I distinctly remember how cold last Sunday had been- and knew that there was no way that I would have braved the ride home without my coat. I am, after all, the epitomy of a winter whimp. I had to have been the guilty party. There was no other way. I needed to call and explain and offer my apologies. So-- I looked up the number and made the call. Luckily, the sister whose coat I had taken was endlessly understanding and forgiving, and assured me that it had been no problem (what any kind person would do in the situation, I'm sure)... but, nevertheless, I was still mortified beyond belief. Church today was...fun. We returned the coat to the sweet-- very pregnant-- sister (while I imaged how cold and frustrated she must have been every time she had needed her coat or her keys in the last week!) She was so kind and forgiving, laughing it off as something anyone could do... but I was still so ashamed of myself. More so when it seemed that the chatter of the day all seemed to surround itself upon the mystery of the missing coat-- I think I had to fess up to more than 10 different people that I WAS THE CULPRIT... each time feeling more and more ashamed. If we did not have a calling, I think I would have begged Andrew to take me home and let me fester under the BIG rock I was longing find... but we did, and so we soldiered through the end of the day- only to have several well meaning jesters offer me their coats when I went for my own- VERY FUNNY GUYS. Ugh. I fail to see the humor- but it is not lost on Andrew who, I think, really enjoys my little life hiccups (for which I am--in times when I'm thinking rationally about it-- grateful).

Anyway, I just thought you should all know that- although anyone who knows me well has known this sad truth for much longer than I want to even think about- I have finally come to agree that I have, officially, lost my mind. I am a nut. A happy nut. But a nut indeed. So- I give fair warning. Watch your coats and your keys when I'm around. Who knows what I will do with them when my mind is elsewhere?! :) And when isn't it these day?

Career Step

2009-02-06T16:03:00.002-06:00

Visit http://www.homecareerinfo.com/1409 to see my referral site for a medical transcription training course that my sister-in-law and I have taken. It's a really great company that helps people who want to work from home become certified medical transcriptionists and coders-- a field that is rapidly growing and expanding even in this troubled economy. Like any higher education, it takes time (and money) to get trained- and it takes effort... it was not the easiest thing I've ever done. But- it is a GREAT job--especially for stay-at-home-moms and anyone who needs a little financial boost while going to school or is in between traditional jobs. Plus- Career Step is a fortune 500 company that is fully accredited and certified and gives 100% job-placement guarantees to course graduates. Anyway- there is my pep-talk! Please feel free to check the site out at http://www.homecareerinfo.com/1409 and pass it on to anyone you know who might be interested or know someone who is.

Groundhogs Day?!?!?!? Agh!!!

2009-02-05T14:55:00.003-06:00

We have long been fans of Groundhog Day. Well, at least we have been since our first LONG winter in Kirksville, 2006-2007, led us to the NEED for a celebration early in February to share with our friends! You see, we had been sick for almost six weeks running when Groundhog Day came that year, and we needed a reason to celebrate- and an excuse to get together with our friends! That first Groundhog Day party was a hit! We fit more than 60 moms and kids into our tiny little apartment and partied! We made groundhog sandwiches and punch and everyone brought groundhog themed sides and desserts. All of the kids came dressed in holiday attire (mainly a lot of furry costumes and black and brown sweats!) and we drew whiskers and noses onto their faces. We made up a burrow underneath our tall dining table for the kids to eat under, and mainly let them run wild, enjoy the sugar high, and celebrate!

The next year we repeated the tradition. It was a blast with just as many people, and a little more structure. Still lots of good food and fun, but this time we had groundhog day crafts, stories, and activities. It was hosted this year at my friend Janae's house, which was a lot bigger and easier to gather and enjoy in! Once again, the day was a hit-- a welcome reprieve from the LONG Kirksville winter!

The problem is that in my kid's short lives, this little celebration has become a big deal to look forward to. While the rest of the world lets the day pass almost unnoticed, my kids think of the day as like unto Christmas, Valentines, Easter, or Thanksgiving. This is a good and bad thing, of course. I love that my kids are understanding tradition and such... but... what did we do this year??? Nothing, except for really- really drop the ball. I didn't totally forget that it was groundhog day-- I just couldn't muster up the energy to put together anything. Sadly- today Noah totally called me on it. He asked when Groundhog Day was this year-- and I just didn't have the heart to fess up to the fact that it had already come and gone-- UNCELEBRATED-- this year.

So-- I'm asking all you good moms and good friends out there to weigh in on this one: Would it be wrong to host a groundhog day celebration... a couple of weeks late? Should I just fess up and do better next year-- OR-- should we throw a party and live it up a little late???

Thinking Pink

2009-02-04T11:17:00.007-06:00

Well-- we're thinking pink here in Trenton, because baby #4 is going to be a GIRL!!!

Lilian Cherie Gough

Lilian, after Andrew's paternal grandmother
Cherie, after my mom

Anyway, we are all really excited about this! Noah and Emma love talking to baby Lily and planning fun things to make and do for her. She is such a lucky girl to have a family who loves her so much!

She is due May 14th, but it will be a planned C-section, so we will just have to wait and see when she actually arrives! We're hoping to get as closed to the due date as possible though... the longer they stay put, the better they tend to do, I hear! :) Tomorrow we are officially 26 weeks along and we are just loving the journey and all that this pregnancy is teaching us! Isn't the gift of life just such a miracle? Can you believe that God trusts his children enough to send to us another little precious baby, so innocent and sweet and pure from heaven? Isn't is just incredible that babies come into the world full of so much love? We just can't wait to have sweet Lily here and to be able to hold her and get to know her!

We are so grateful to Heavenly Father for blessing us with one last baby to complete our earthly family!!! Little Lily is already so loved and adored. I don't think a family could be more excited about a new arrival! I hope that she is able to feel of our love and hear how much her brothers, sister, and parents adore her. We just know that she is a special part of our eternal family and we are so grateful that she is ours!!!

It's a...

2009-01-23T14:51:00.002-06:00

Boy? Girl? What is the WORLD ARE WE HAVING?????

Our first ultrasound on December 5, they told us we were having a BOY...
We were so excited. Andrew John Gough, how cute! Andrew and the boys were thrilled at the idea of outnumbering the girls forever. I was good because boys are so darn easy and fun-- plus, we've already got lots of fun boy clothes and toys!

But then, January 5, they said that is could possibly be a GIRL...
Okay... that's exciting too. Boy, girl, boy, girl... equal numbers. That would be fun. Plus, Emmaline was my easiest baby by far, and we've got SO MANY adorable clothes for a girl. The name would be perfect: Lillian Cherie Gough (Lily, after Great Grandma Gough and Cherie after my mom!) We started thinking pink...

So, which is it?!?!?!? It's been killing me. I mean, how do these women who wait to find out really bond with the baby if they don't even know what it is?! Don't get me wrong. I totaslly admire the patience of these women-- but I guess I just got too fed up waiting in the patience line in heaven and ducked out, because that is one virtue that I just don't have ANY of!

SO- today I went in for another ultrasound and some other testing and we finally found out. The perinatologist was pretty much 100% sure this time.

WHAT DO YOU THINK??? Is it a boy or a girl?

Saint Rachel

2008-11-11T13:25:00.002-06:00

Recently my sister Rachel officially became a saint. She's always been pretty darn close-- but she has now passed the final milestone and guaranteed a place for herself in heaven. She volunteered to take my three young children (in addition to her four) for a week so I could accompany Andrew to the AAOA convention in Las Vegas-- alone! So, I packed the kids up and drove them to Manchester, New Hampshire to stay with Rachel-- who would be the mother to seven children six and under for five full days!!! Before she could come to her senses and back out, I hurried and caught a flight from Boston to Detroit and met Andrew who then joined me for the second leg to Vegas. The conference was held at the Venetian- a beautiful resort. We stayed in the most incredible four room suite- we felt like royalty (thank you ACOFP)!!! For the first two days I literally slept my life away. I woke up the morning of the third day feeling well rested and refreshed and we played for the next three days straight! We only made it out to the strip for a couple of hours- and although we did get to see New York, Paris, and the incredible water show at the Bellagio, as well as enjoy some incredible high-class window shopping-- we were shocked and appalled at the baseness of the Las Vegas scene. When I say there were sex, drugs, and gambling literally surrounding us I am NOT exaggerating. My memories of a trip there when I was 13 with my mom for the Las Vegas marathon were nothing similar to what we experienced outside the hotel. I'm not kidding when I say that city is going to hell in a hand-basket-- the place is out of control. We retreated back to the resort and really enjoyed the convention, shopping, restaurants, and fun that was to be had close to home. It was great to catch up with a lot of our Kirksville friends and for me to attend the AAOA and SAA meetings with Janae and Jenny from my Kirksville SAA-- they are two incredible girls! It was also so nice to catch up with one of my personal heroes, Lori Haxton, and to see many of the other deans and school officials and alumni we admire so much. We especially enjoyed attending the AAOA President's luncheon for our dear Linda Adams and getting all spiffed up to attend the great AAOA/AOA President's reception together-- kid free! We had a fantastic time all week-- never once worrying about our children, who, by all accounts, were having a ball. I really think we missed them more than they missed us! I got back to Rachel's house Thursday morning refreshed and excited to see the kids who had all had a wonderful time with Auntie Rachel and her kids. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the entire ride home from the Boston airport to Rachel's house Noah was going on and on about the wonderful things they had done and all the new foods he had tried. Somehow my saint sister had not only taken stellar care of the kids and made them feel safe, special, and loved... but she had somehow talked my stubborn 5-year-old into eating yellow cheese, turkey, and eggs... three foods he has never, ever eaten for me. Benjamin, our 19-month-old had never been apart from me for more than a quick evening, and I don't think that our trip to Vegas phased him a bit. I got home to a happy-as-ever contented little man who was a little less clingy and a lot more independent than I had left him. And Emmaline will not stop singing Auntie Rachel's praise! She loved all the outside time they got to spend in her incredible forest of a backyard, and the fun times cooking with Auntie Rachel. She also let me know the other night that Auntie Rachel is the "bestest snuggly bear" she had ever had! Andrew and I both agreed that this trip was long overdue and that we need to remember to take time for each other more often. Not that our marriage was not great before the trip... but I really can't believe the difference that five days together has wrought! I find us talking about more than his day at the hospital or that days funky diapers or groceries or bills... we are actually talking and laughing and enjoying each other so much more than we have been for a great while. Come to find out we were kind of in a rut and didn't even know it. So a great marriage is now even better, and it is all because of my sweet sister who was willing to selflessly give of her time and her heart to love my kids for five days so I could have a much needed break away with Andrew.

So-- Auntie Rachel--from your own personal fan club- thank you, thank you, thank you. Much more than you'll probably ever know, we love you and are grateful for the sacrifice that you and your family made to make this trip possible.

Oh-- and did I mention that she did I all this all while studying to take the last final for her big degree? Well, she did. She took her last final the afternoon that I got back! Way to go Rachel. You amaze me and I am so proud of you!!!

Move over saints and angels-- you've got a new member to add to your crew! Now we've just got to figure out a way to keep her from being translated too soon. I've got to make good on my promise to reciprocate and have lots of other things to do before that happens!!!

The Invisible Mother

2008-11-11T13:15:00.004-06:00

A friend of mine from Kirksville shared this with our SAA group today and it really hit home for me. Especially with Andrew so busy these days pursuing our dreams, I tend to withdraw into bouts of self pity and despair... feeling misunderstood, underappreciated, and utterly incapable of the "simple" task of being a homemaker. So thanks Krystal for sharing this with us. It's just what I needed to hear. I'm not a failure, and I'm not invisible... at least when it comes to what matters most. Neither are you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

The Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ... Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside
of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing pieces fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college forThanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Remember This...

2008-05-11T20:56:00.004-05:00

This photo comes from a perfect April morning at the St. Louis Zoo. A fantastic visit with my sister-in-law Sarah had sadly come to an end and we had reluctantly driven to St. Louis to take her to the airport. We arose early in the morning to save some of the day for play with Sarah before she flew out that afternoon. We stopped in Columbia for a quick breakfast at Panera and then rushed to the zoo. We arrived not long after they opened the gates and it was a magical morning with the zoo nearly to ourselves. We lingered at the penguin exhibit, saw all of the bears, took a ride on the zoo train, visited the insectarium and the butterfly house, and caught most of the wild animals out of their caves and roaming about. We even indulged the children with a ride on the zoo carousel. I didn't think the day could get much more perfect until we headed up the hill towards the south gate. It was there that the children spotted it: a just-in-bloom, perfect "popcorn tree". We've been singing "Popcorn Popping" since January-- futilely trying to coax the blossoms of spring closer with each rendition-- but this was the first actual blossoms we had spotted all year. I'm honestly not sure who was more excited about it- the children or I! The tree had the perfect low branches and we posed the children endlessly, snapping away here and there with the camera-- trying to get the perfect picture-- and then, it hit me. As I looked through my viewfinder at the precious angels before me it felt like I must be looking into the future. But, I wasn't. In that tiny moment my babies had grown up right before my very eyes. Benjamin, my precious little baby, didn't need anyone to hold him. He sat confidently on his own when just one short year ago he had been safely nestled in my womb. Emmaline had become a sweet little lady seemingly overnight. Her little toes seemed to point on their own and each move she made as she perched delicately atop the blossomed branch was so gentle. In the last year she had gone from being nearly bald to having a head full of delicate shoulder-length blonde curls framing her face. And Noah-- my little Noah-- was not little any more. His hands were much bigger than I ever remembered them-- gripping the branches as he climbed confidently from branch to branch. I found myself nearly overcome with emotion, trying to somehow find a way to freeze the moment in my memory forever. Perfect spring mornings don't happen very often, but on that morning my children's youth seemed even more fragile and fleeting. The moment didn't last long, but I am so grateful that I had my camera to help me to remember. But then, like an optical illusion the moment was gone. Lost forever. But remembered, always remembered.

Optical Illusion
Carol Lynn Pearson

Time is a stage magician
Pulling sleight-of-hand tricks
To make you think things go.

There-
Eclipsed by the quick scarf-
A lifetime of loves.

Zip-
The child is man.
Zip-
The friend in your arms
Is earth.
Zip-
The green tree is gold, is white,
Is smoking ash, is gone.

Zip-
Time's trick goes on.
All things loved-
Now you see them, now you don't.

Oh, this world has more
Of coming and going
Than I can bear.
I guess it's eternity I want,
Where all things are
And always will be,
Where I can hold my loves
A little looser,
Where we finally realize-
Time
Is the only thing that really dies.

I'm back...

2008-03-27T22:59:00.002-06:00

I'm back. Sort of. I'll be honest- I've been avoiding my blog quite successfully for some time now. Why? Well-- it's simple. I was "tagged" by a couple of (well meaning) friends to make a list of things that are interesting about me... and I was just not up to the challenge. I'm ashamed to say that I kind of hit a wall, so to speak, and had my very own mid-mommyhood crisis. Sad, I know-- but let's just be honest: I change diapers and sing lullabies all day, every day... my big indulgence is buying my kid's clothes off the clearance rack at T.J. Maxx (sorry mom!) or going to the bathroom alone AND with the door shut... I don't think I've checked out a book or movie outside of the kid's section at our local library in over a year, and my major news sources are the tabloid covers along the grocery store aisle and the stack of parenting type magazines that I still subscribe to-- so...I'm finally willing to face it: I find myself somewhat at a loss when asked to write interesting things about the me that I am right now. Do I hate that-- yes...and no. Yes because everything inside of me and everything that I used to be screams that I should-- but no-- because (I've found after way too much contemplation) I really just don't. I LOVE that I am a (gasp!) stay-at-home mom. I love that my clothes never seem to stay clean long enough to leave the house without shame- let alone fit me well or have any semblance of fashion to them. I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I talk to my pediatrician more often that most of my nearest and dearest friends and family. And I'm finally ready to admit that I don't hate Barney-- no, I think that the big purple guy is really nice and he has a lot of good things to teach my kids-- and he is a great babysitter while I steal that 15 minute shower once in a blue moon. So--- I kinda like where I am in life right now, and I'm okay saying it. To all the adults in my life I may be a little bit of a drag-- but to 2 and 4 year olds I'm pretty darn fun, and right now, that is all that really matters. Tonight while I was laying with my kids after a long, hard day, Noah turned over and said "mommy, you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world"... and I thought my heart would just burst. In that moment, I figured it all out. I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I want to do most, and I'm doing a pretty good job at it. So-- interesting facts about me or not, I am still glad to be me... Noah's bestest friend in the whole wide world! :)

I like it, I love it, I want some more of it...

2008-01-18T21:14:00.000-06:00

The other day my sweet, sweet friend Alana called me up to insist that she watch my three adorable rag-a-muffins so that my husband could take me out for a night on the town. I was blown away by her thoughtfulness-- she is 9 weeks away from baby number four-- and I almost turned her down-- until I looked across the room and my zombie-eyed lover-muffin (who was studying away his life at the dining room table) and made the snap decision to take her up on it. After I hung up I came back to my senses and was so ashamed of my selfishness that I decided I would call her right back and re-neg... I mean, who needs three extra needy kids at the end of a long day? I have a hard time with my lovely brood in the twilight hours and I am their mom-- why would I ever want to subject my dear almost-due friend to their delightful antics just so I could snatch a couple of kid free hours with Mr. Right? Luckily-- I got distracted and forgot to call her. So this morning when she called to hammer out the details, I found myself once again torn... what to do, what to do. I will FOREVER bless her name for insisting once again that we take a night out together and helping me to make plans to whisk my better half away after the kids I babysit were picked up. So- 5 o'clock rolled around and we fed Benjamin and packed a diaper bag and headed over to drop them off. I almost decided to take Benjamin with me. Other than one temple session and one SAA meeting (both of which he cried the entire way through), I haven't left my nine month old baby with anyone for any significant amount of time. But, once again, when the moment came, I was impressed that I found the courage to leave him behind and head out for two full kid-free hours with the man I love more than anything in the world. I'll have to admit that walking to the car together after dropping them off, I felt giddy and girlish-- like I was young-and-in-love. Somewhere in the last four years of pregnancy, nursing, and motherhood I think I've lost that part of me that sometimes likes to succumb to the whimsical girlish fluttering of the heart type feelings... but tonight, if but for a brief moment in time, I got my old groove back. Man, it felt good. We went out to eat at Ruby Tuesdays. We had an appetizer sampler, steak and potatoes, and the Blondie brownie with vanilla ice cream and caramel. Andrew also had the pomegranate lemonade which was amazing. I highly recommend it. The entire meal was divine. The funniest part of the evening came when we were ready to go to the incredible salad bar. When we've been to Ruby Tuesday's before, we've always had our rambuxious trio in tow, and we take turns going to get our salad with one while the other waits with the remaining two. Tonight when the magical moment arrived, we both just kind of looked at each other for a couple of minute--not really knowing what to do--before realizing that we could actually go fill our plates at the same time. It was pretty funny! All in all, tonight was a fabulous night. My kids were safe and well looked after and were reasonably well behaved for my friend (or so she kindly says... ;) They seriously had a great time. Thank you Alana, for the night out. I owe you-- BIG TIME!!! I hope I can be as thoughtful and as inspired as you are someday-- my angel of mercy! We had a great evening. Thanks for knowing just exactly what our relationship could use, even when we didn't! The only problem is that now I fear that I'm hooked. The kid-free date night left me wanting more... like the Tim McGraw song goes, "and I like it, I love it, I want some more of it"!

The PERFECT Break and New Beginnings

2008-01-07T13:37:00.000-06:00

So, it's Monday the 7th of January, 2008. This is the day I thought I would be dreading. But wouldn't you know, I've been so busy dreading dreading it that I forgot to dread it at all, and it just snuck up on me. Today is the beginning of the new year for us, and the end of our much anticipated break. Noah and Andrew are back to school and I'm back to the hum drum. I should be bummed-- really bummed. I mean, we had the perfect break. We had the ideal--albeit simple-- Christmas celebration, a quiet New Years, and an even quieter birthday for me. We soaked up the late mornings, early nights- movies, fun, and tons of time for family togetherness all here is the quiet little 'ville. It's over and it's time to get back to the wheel, and I'm finding myself surprisingly okay with it. Really. I'm glad that the break is over, and I'm thankful for a new year to try harder to be better and do more. We started the break with a list-- well two lists. The one I had been compiling for months of projects that had been put off or pushed to the back burner in anticipation of "someday", and another list we sat down as a family and made at lunch after the last test of the old year. We wrote down a list of everything that we wanted to do together during the break. And guess what-- we completed every item on BOTH lists with style-- and then some! My super-star husband was incredible. He helped without complaint as we built new shelves and re-organized and deep cleaned the entire house and our storage unit. He helped me finish up some long-forgotten projects that I've been meaning to complete with a smile-all-the-while. Then, he made it a point to let me sleep in every morning. He gave me more back rubs and mani-pedi pampers than I've ever deserved, he cooked and cleaned like a happy little elf, and he made this break incredibly exciting for the kids. The kid's list was much funner than mine. They wanted to play every board game we owned, see a movie in the theatre, build a snowman, go sledding, spend a day at Going Bonkers, ride on the carousel, visit the temple, take family naps every single day, and make gingerbread treats-- and we did it all!!! Check out our holiday photo album at http://picasaweb.google.com/argough/Christmas2007. Andrew's additions to the list were easy-- we watch the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy and all of the Indiana Jones flicks, we completed several rounds of phase ten, and we took it easy every chance we got. He's happy. I'm happy. The kids are happy. We're all SO HAPPY! :) So- goodbye perfect, wonderful break. We loved you while you were here... but HELLO NEW YEAR!!! Hello new beginnings, hello second chances, hello blank slate. We're so glad that you've finally come!

This Christmas

2007-12-20T22:50:00.000-06:00

Christmas break officially begins tomorrow morning following the 8am exam. I should be more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, I am really looking forward to having Andrew home-- but it just doesn't feel like Christmas around here. I finally got my lazy buns in gear and put up the nativity and the tree a couple of weeks ago after Noah had begged the hospital nurses to let him take the hospital's tree home because "we don't have one at my home"sniff, sniff... oh, the shame! But, despite the holiday ornamentation, I've yet to really catch the spirit of the season. Why? I don't know. It could have to do with the fact that we aren't going anywhere this holiday and will be celebrating sans family this year... or to do with the fact that our medical school budget equals a very creative Christmas as far as gifts for the kids go... or maybe it has to do with the fact that we can't quite kick the Kirksville germs and have been passing them around our family for the past three weeks, six trips to the pediatrician, four antibiotic treatments, and one little hospital stay later, we are definitely on the upswing...or maybe it has to do with the fact that the heavy test schedule these last two weeks and the early distribution of the board review materials (THANKS A LOT...) has meant that my better half has been pretty much MIA for two weeks in a row now, and I'm doing my best to keep the eyebrows above water, let alone feel jolly about it... but I'm just not sure. Hopefully tomorrow once the pressure is off Andrew he will become his usual merry old self again and we will get right down to the business of having a very Merry Christmas indeed here in the ville'! With that in mind, I think I'll start a little early in spreading the holiday glee... I'll post the pictures of this year's decorations. Total investment this year, $6.43! Design On A Dime, eat your heart out!

The Perfect Getaway!

2007-12-20T22:16:00.000-06:00

Over the Thanksgiving break we went down to St. Louis with our friends the Fransons. It was a great little two day get away, and I've got to say, it really hit the spot. We got to go shopping at The Galleria, Hobby Lobby, and Whole Foods. Who could ask for more? We ate out at Macaroni Grill and it was so wonderful! Our hotel was a fabulous 4 star hotel in downtown St. Louis. The view was incredible, and for a mere $40 a night, it was a steal! We went to the zoo on Saturday, and although it was a bit chilly at first, the day warmed up and it was the PERFECT day to be at the zoo! All the animals were out, but the crowds were not, and you just can't beat that. I'll post the photos my friend Melissa shared with me (thanks Melissa!), but you can also check out her blog for more, at http://fransonfamily.blogspot.com/2007/11/st-louis.html. Noah keeps asking when we are going to take him and Adalyn (Melissa's oldest girl) back to the zoo! What a perfect little getaway!

Thanksgiving Dinner

2007-12-20T21:25:00.001-06:00

Thanksgiving dinner was such a blast! We had several families together, and it was so wonderful to be together to feast and be grateful as a great big group! Here are some of the great photos from this awesome evening!

So Much To Be Grateful For...

2007-11-22T14:10:00.001-06:00

This is the first Thanksgiving that I can remember EVER that I haven't been home with my family. Last year's Thanksgiving trip home was a welcome relief from the overall shock of my introduction to the quaint town of Kirksville (which I am love with now...) But with all the extra bills and expenses that have come up and all the looming expenses of the move next year, we found it prudent to try Thanksgiving out on our own this year. I was okay with the idea until this morning when I woke up to the reality that for the first time in my life this little home-body would not be home for Thanksgiving, surrounded by the family and friends who I've spent my life loving.

Luckily we have a great group of friends here in the Ville' who are in similar situations. We are all going to come together for a fabulous Thanksgiving feast at the chapel this afternoon. I'm really excited about it. Every year as a tradition my mom places five kernels of corn at each place setting, and before we feast, we each go around the table and state the things that we are grateful for. I am aware that trying to get the large group of people to wait quietly and listen today as we each take a go at stating the things we are grateful for is a sheer impossibility, so I thought I would take this opportunity to list the things that I am most grateful for.

1. I am grateful so much to know who I am, where I came from, and where I am going. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me perfectly and an omnipotent Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave His life so that I can live with Him eternally one day.

2. I am grateful for a living prophet, President Hinckly. I am so grateful for his inspired vision, leadership, and direction. I am grateful for his emphasis on the building and attending of temples, and the fact that I know that my family can be forever because of the covenants we are able to make in these sacred temples. I am grateful that under Pres. Hinckley's inspired vision the Nauvoo temple was rebuilt, and that I now have the opportunity to live just two hours away from it so we can attend it often and feel of the peace that is there as a welcome refuge from the world. I am grateful for President Hinckly's inspired words in General Conference this past October. His words on anger and forgiveness have found a welcome place in my troubled heart as of late, and I feel that his words were meant just for me (http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-23,00.html). I love him and am grateful for all the sacrifices he has made to lead and guide us today.

3. I am grateful for my sweet Andrew. We were married for time and all eternity in the Idaho Falls Temple August 15, 2002. Five years later, I am more sure than I've ever been that the choice I made to marry him and live the life we are living is the best thing that I have ever done. He completes me and makes me whole. Like two puzzle pieces, we are so very different, but we compliment each other perfectly and I am so grateful to my loving Heavenly Father for giving me him forever. He is so patient- so kind- such a hard worker- such a great friend- such a perfect father. I admire him, respect him, and love him so much. Everyone who knows Andrew loves him-- for good reason-- he is sincerely the nicest most genuine person I have ever known and I learn so much from him every day.

4. I am so grateful to be a mother who knows (http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-27,00.html) . I am so grateful for my three little angels. They are mine and Andrew's everything and we feel so blessed to be the shepherds of their precious spirits. Being their mother is the hardest, most challenging thing I've ever done. I've never felt so unfit for a challenge as I have down this road. This is not because my kids are not model children-- in spite of my feeble attempts-- they really are. But I find myself so often completely baffled at the complexity of the job of motherhood. It is so challenging, but SO rewarding and I am so grateful for the guidance of the spirit to lead, guide, and direct me down this road.

5. I am grateful for my sweet Noah. He is the smartest little friend I've ever had. At four years old, he has such a firm grasp on the complexities of the universe and daily teaches me the simple truths that adults the world over struggle to comprehend. When the specialists marveled at the healing of our Benjamin's little heart this spring, it was Noah who bravely told them that what they could not understand was a gift from God. "He heard my prayers and He answered them", he matter-of-factly told our baffled doctors. Just the other day when I was a little bummed after Andrew left for another long night of studying, it was Noah who perceptively came and pulled his chair up to the sink where I was washing the dishes. "You know mom", he said, "it's a good thing that we have each other forever because it makes me feel less sad when daddy leaves." Wow-- where did he learn that? Just this last Monday was a stressful day for our little family. My sweet grandmother had heart surgery, my uncle was having a brain tumor operated on, and my brother in law was getting his tonsils out. With so much to think about, I found myself a little distracted during the day. While reading nap time stories with my kids, I had paused for a moment to think. Noah put his hand on mine and sweetly asked, "Hey mom, are you worried about our big day"? I told him that I was a little worried, but mostly I just had faith. "That's good," said my little four year old, "because faith means hope and hope is such a happy thing, isn't it mom!" He then gave my hand a squeeze and turned over to go to sleep. I love him so much and I am so grateful to my God for sending precious Noah to me. His is my helper, my friend, my little ball of energy. I feel so blessed to be his mother, and so honored to be his friend.

6. I am so grateful for my precious little Emmaline. She is so tiny, so petite, but she is bursting with energy and attitude and she keeps this mama in line. She is so kind and sincere, but she is also a force to reckon with. She is my little artist as of late and makes the most interesting little pieces of art wherever she is. My couch was the most recent addition to her list of masterpieces. She is very perceptive and can instinctively tell when something she has done doesn't please me. She is lucky that she is so darn cute because she most often gets me from ready to kill her to ready to hug her with a sweet smile and her high-pitched "sorry mommy". She is the sweetest little pixie of a child and I am so grateful that she is mine-- ruined couch and all.

7. I am without adequate words to express the incredible amount of gratitude I feel in my heart for the opportunity to have my little Benjamin in my home to hold and to love whenever I want to. Andrew often warns me that I am spoiling him- and I know that it is true. But I honestly have no way of resisting his sweet smile or his adorable cry. Watching him completely helpless during his first weeks of life-- unable to hold or to comfort him-- was the hardest thing I've ever done. But he made it--we made it-- and I am so grateful every day to be his mother. Although I never thought I would say it-- I am grateful that I had the chance to slow down and really think about what mattered most to be during the time he was sick. Although I would still do anything to take away the pain he was in, I am immeasurably grateful for the ability I have to be his mother. The simple pleasures-- from changing his diaper to rocking him to sleep-- are so much more intense for me because I felt the anguish of facing the fact that all of that could have been lost so easily. I find myself at night grateful to be picking up behind my children, because the messy playroom means that they had been there, happy and playing. I know it sounds corny, but I am so grateful for the health and well being of my babies, and I am grateful for the opportunity I had this year to let my heart become more susceptible to feelings of thanks and gratitude for the gift of motherhood and all it entails.

8. I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon. It is the most incredible book I have ever read. As I read it daily, peace fills my life. Things that seemed big and overwhelming become small and manageable. Things come into perspective. I learn more and more and grow each time I read it. This book truly is another testament that Jesus Christ lives. Hand in hand with the Bible it shows the way to live a good life now so that one day when this life is just a distant memory-- we can meet our Savior face to face and he can say, "well done". Until that day I will continue to read from its sweet passages. It is real, it is true, and I am so grateful that it is mine. If you have never read this book, I highly recommend it. You can get a free copy at http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/the-restoration-of-truth/the-book-of-mormon

There are so many more things that I am grateful for. I am grateful for my family: my mother and father, my sisters and brothers, my incredible extended family. I am grateful for my amazing friends... from Idaho, from BYU, from BYU-I, from Axiom and Covey, and from here in Kirksville. God has blessed me to live a life constantly surrounded by people who I love and I am so grateful to Him every day for this incredible gift. I am grateful for my home, for my many belongings, for a car that runs, for wonderful neighbors and for incredible opportunities. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to serve and to share. I love being the children's music leader in my church. It is one of the funnest, most fulfilling things I've ever done. I love the children so much and I feel so grateful to teach them every week. I am thankful for music. I am thankful for good books and good magazines. I am thankful for my computer and for the internet. I am thankful for energy- for heat, for plumbing, and for a crock pot and freezer. I am thankful for my Cocoa Latte machine and think I would be utterly lost without it. I am thankful for ice water, diet Pepsi, caramel chocolate, vanilla bean gelato, Grandma Harper's chocolate chippers, and Grandma Harding's creamy rice pudding. I am thankful for steak and potatoes. I am thankful for bleach. I am thankful for my Franklin. I am thankful for Muji pens. I am thankful for my camera and thankful for vacations. I could go on and on forever (those of you who know me best know how sadly true this is...)

I am grateful for my life. I thank God for each and every moment He had given me to live on His beautiful earth, and I pray that I will live to love and to serve until the day when Christ comes again. I know that as the prophets have testified, He will come again to reign personally on this earth, and I pray that I will be here to be a part of that wonderful, blessed day when all the hate and envy and strife will cease and we call all live again in peace and love. I am so grateful. My heart feels like it could burst.

I am thankful for a mother who has taught me to be truly grateful for the things I have; to use my possessions and my talents to be better. It is because of her that I am so full of gratitude today, and I will love her forever for her wisdom and her love. Thank you mom. I know it will be hard, but try to have fun without me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sweet Nothing

2007-11-20T15:05:00.001-06:00

So- today I woke up late. I mean really late. We're talking 9 am. I don't think I've pulled that off in years. I woke up to the sweet sound of... well... NOTHING. Silence. No screaming baby. No fighting toddlers. No 4 am alarm for my study-hubby.... nothing. It was so peaceful at first. But then when I had woken up to realize that the sun was shining in my window, my husband was gone, and the house was silent-- I PANICKED!!!! Where were my children? Where was my husband? What in the world was going on. I am usually the one to wake up with the kids. I take the lions share of the night wakings as well because Andrew needs the sleep more than I do, and I'm a night owl anyway. I take the mornings because Andrew is often out the door before the kids even wake up. So waking up to a silent house with no kids and no husband was alarming to say the least. I threw on my robe and ran into the kids room. It was empty. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it would jump right out of my chest at any second. I ran to the kitchen and saw evidence of breakfast eaten... I looked at the clock and saw that it was 9 am. 9 AM! I did a double take just to be sure my tired eyes weren't playing tricks on me. And then, I heard it. Little voices laughing. I walked to the playroom at the front of the house where I found my husband playing with my three little angels on the ground. They were having the time of their lives. Noah looked almost disappointed to see me up. "Did we wake you, mommy?"

My sweet Andrew had given up one of his vacation mornings to get up with the babies and make it a point to let me sleep until I woke up on my own. I could have just kissed him. "Did you sleep well"? he asked. I thought about it. In my little panic I had not even stopped to realize that I was awake, and it was morning, and I was not tired. Wow. So-- I ambled back to the kitchen to fire up the beloved Cocoa Latte machine and grabbed my to-do list off the fridge. I love my lists. I walked back into the playroom to find Andrew and the kids still playing on the ground. I tried to read my list to Andrew so that we could make our plan. But he just ignored me and kept on playing. I was a little annoyed and was about ready to say as much when he tackled me. That's right, a full on tackle. I was stunned and amazed and ANGRY!!! But, the kids took this as their cue and piled on top of me. We spent the next ten minutes just wrestling on the ground. This, of course, escalated into a pillow war, which was followed by a long period of sitting on the floor doing-- you guessed it-- NOTHING!

So- if you were to ask me what I did this morning. The answer would be nothing. Usually that word would make my skin crawl-- my guilty conscience flare. Usually I HATE doing nothing. Usually my husband good heartedly goes along with my list after list, smiling all the time. But not this morning. He knew we needed a break-- I needed a break-- and he made it happen. I love that guy. If I could marry him again right now, I would do it. He makes my life wonderful and exciting and he treats me MUCH better than I deserve to be treated.

Thank you for a great morning sweetie. I loved playing with you and the kids and getting nothing "important" done. It was the best, most important morning I have had in a long, long time. Thank you for letting me wake up to nothing. Thank you for letting me get nothing done. Thank you for nothing. Sweet nothing. I needed it so much!

Shout Out For Break!!!!!!!

2007-11-15T20:36:00.001-06:00

This is an official shout out to all of those out there participating in the official countdown-- Just 15 more hours until we have our husbands back... for a week!!!!!! What are your plans for the break?

We are planning Thanksgiving dinner with our friends in the 'Ville! Let us know if you will be here and want to participate!

We are planning a trip to St. Louis with our friends the Fransons! Yea!

We are planning to fall asleep together every night and sleep in every morning... well, fall asleep together every night. Possibly sleeping pill induced! ;)

We are planning to organize our storage room and our craft cupboard.

We are planning to clean under the washer and dryer... gross!

We are planning to get out the Christmas China and the nativity-- which I will want to use immediately and Andrew will insist we wait until December for... he won last year, I'm planning a good offense this year. I'll let you know how that goes!

We are planning to finish Christmas shopping, take our holiday photos, and write our Christmas letters.

We are planning to seriously research Wyandotte, Michigan. Our new home starting next summer.

We are planning to hang out, have fun, and pretty much just enjoy being together.

We are planning to pretend that medical school does not exist and that breaks-over Monday will NEVER come... although I bet you anything that the shiny new board review books will be snuck around with us here are there... I am planning to try and be a good sport about that.

We are planning to have a wonderful time and be thankful that we have it together.

Living Tributes

2007-11-13T19:52:00.000-06:00

Life is a such a beautiful, fragile thing. I think that one day when this life is all over and the test is finished, we will look back at it and realize that although it seems so long right now... it really was just as short as the blink of an eye. I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the moment that we forget that this life is so very, very short... and that this life is a test. Our loving Heavenly Father gave us everything--everything that I have is His. He gave it to me... He can take it away. Everything, that is, except my will. Only my heart-- only my desire-- only the things that define me, that make me who I am-- only that is mine and cannot be taken away. So the test then is to see what I do with my life. Will I give it to Him, or will I follow my own path? The choice seems simple... but down here in the trenches of daily living when I am up to my elbows in diapers and laundry, it is so very easy to lose sight of the things of eternal import, and I often forget. But lately I've been thinking a lot about life and death and the things that matter most. And it all has to do with one of my heroes, grandma Willa.

Early Monday morning I talked to my mom on the phone. She told me that my grandma Willa would be having surgery to replace the device that had been placed in her heart six years ago when we almost lost her. The panic I feel when I think about losing my sweet grandmother is so poignant still, after six years, that just reflecting on it brings tears to my eyes and a panicked feeling to my chest. I remember visiting my dear grandmother in LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City and watching my grandpa Ralph fuss over her-- their love for one another so apparent. I was dating Andrew seriously at the time- but for me marriage seemed a long way off-- something that I would think about once I had taken a lot more time to just be me. Something that I didn't want or need at the time. Grandpa took us out for a meal at Little America. He talked about grandma nearly the entire meal-- reflecting on their love and their marriage and the love and respect he had for her. That night changed forever the way I saw my grandmother and the way I viewed my own life priorities.

In my family we often refer to grandma as "Saint Willa"-- rightfully so--she is a saint. My grandfather was one of the best men I'll ever know-- but he was impulsive, and busy, and often left much of the burden of running a home and raising a family to my grandmother. He led a big life and was involved in big things and made a real difference in the world-- one day I will write all about it-- but this often meant that grandma was left in the wake of all these big things-seemingly a victim of circumstance who gracefully and lovingly went along with his crazy plans because she had to. Never once in my life did I ever see the two of them quarrel-- never once did I hear my grandmother utter an unkind word to or about grandpa-- even when I was sure he deserved it-- but always ALWAYS always she spoke to him and of him with respect, love, and even reverence... and always she was by his side, loving him, looking out for him, defending him.

During the dinner at Little America grandpa spoke of the strong, intelligent, vivacious woman my grandmother is. He told us how her soft words and kind advice were the most important thing in the world to him--that she had always been spot on when it came to giving him direction and advice in everything he had ever done. She had always been his anchor-- the wind beneath his wings-- his most powerful and trusted advisor. He told me that the things in his life that he was most proud of had been her ideas. He spoke of the love and devotion he felt for her and he told me that if I could be the type of woman that she had always been that one day I could be worthy of the type of honor and respect she so gracefully garnered.

For the first time I realized that things were not as they seemed with my grandparents. She did not defer to him because she had to. She did it because she wanted to. And often times I had been wrong when I thought that she was being pushed around or emotionally bullied by my grandfather's strong will-- on the contrary-- she was very much an equal partner in their incredibly loving and strong marriage. Her soft words were much more powerful than anything else could have been. Her strength was her gentleness. Her courage was her kindness. Her love was paramount. I have always loved and honored my grandmother-- but that night she became my hero-- exactly the type of woman I wanted to become and I hoped I could be. She is one of the strongest, most intelligent women I have ever known. One of the best of the best when it comes to mothers- to grandmothers- to friends. She is the type of woman who can wear pearls. She is classy. She is a lady. Everything about her is welcoming and loving. People are naturally attracted to her because she is a window to the love of the Savior. You feel good when you are around her and when you leave her, you want to be better.

Grandma came to look after me following the births of both Noah and Emmaline. What precious times these were. She taught me to nurse my babies-- she taught me how to bathe and swaddle and soothe my babies. She taught me to be a good mother and showed me how to be a good wife. The food that she makes just melts in your mouth and her home is always immaculate. She is the domestic goddess to top them all-- but she is also one of the most humble and compassionate people you will ever know. Even in the most trying of times I have never seen her frazzled or ruffled. She is others centered and she is giving. She is the image of perfection.

Following the death of my grandpa Ralph just over a year ago we packed the car and we rushed home as fast as our van could carry us. Extreme stress has always given me ulcers and cold sores-- and when we arrived in Idaho 22 hours after we had received the news of Grandpa's death I was already feeling the pain of both. When we arrived at grandma's house all she could do was to fuss over my family and look after our needs-- she took me back to her bathroom and gave me the expensive lip ointment that she had been using over the past day to fend off the sores that she too got when under stress. I felt an odd connection to her as I noticed our identical sores and my heart just broke for her as I took the pain I was feeling and knew that although our physical ailments were the same, our emotional pain was nothing even remotely similar. Although I felt that I was dying inside, her pain must have been multiplied infinitely-- and yet her priority at that moment was to care for and look after my children and me. She is a carer, a lover, a giver. She is everything I imagine my Heavenly Mother to be. Everything I know our Savior is. Everything I want to become.

Grandma Willa taught me to be a powerful influence for good. Following the death of my father we spent a lot of time in my grandmothers home and I watched her day after day looking after and caring for those around her--especially my grieving mother and her emotionally scarred children. I don't think I can count how many times I watched grandma take a meal to a friend in need, or make a call to someone who could use a friend. People love and trust grandma Willa because she is inherently good. They want her advice, they follow her lead. I don't know that I can recall how many times I heard her lift and bless and testify of Christ to those who needed Him most-- myself included. In her loving, kind, unobtrusive way she was a giver-- a doer. I am amazed at her goodness and her love and I know that my life is as good as it is in a very large part due to the many, many prayers she has offered in my behalf. In my darkest hours I have always felt the strength of her faith and her love. I honor her and I bless her and I love her so very much.

One of the biggest regrets that I have in losing my dad and my grandfather is that I never told either of them how much I loved and admired them-- they never knew what they meant to me; how their lives had shaped and affected me. They didn't know because I never told anybody-- especially them-- how I felt. I have never been good with words when it comes to letting people know how I really feel inside. I always chicken out in the moment and later regret it--- but this time I am not going to make the mistake that I will later regret.

So grandma, I am telling you here and now that I love you. I want the whole wide world to know that you are my hero. I admire you. It is because of you that anything that is good about me is good. You have taught me so much more than you may ever know, and I think of you so very often because the life I am trying to build is a model of the life I have watched you live. You were the mother to my mother, and I will forever be grateful for the woman you raised her to be. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father for making me your granddaughter grandma and I will love and honor you forever.

Yes, life is a beautiful, fragile thing-- and it is far too short. It is a test. A test which grandma Willa passed years ago-- but thankfully she keeps hanging on because her life makes a great difference to those who surround her. She is loved by everyone who knows her-- admired by people near and far. She is the very essence of Christlike behavior and love-- and I love her so very much.

I am grateful for the moments of clarity that situations like this afford-- and although I am not ready for grandma to move on, I know that when she does everything will be okay. Not only because she will then be reunited in what I imagine to be the happiest of all the reunions that heaven has ever witnessed-- but because she will undoubtedly be able to look her Savior in the eye and know that her life made a significant difference to all those who have been blessed to be a part of it. She has passed the test.

So grandma, good luck on your surgery on Monday. Andrew and I and our children will be praying for you. And don't worry- we've learned from you exactly what to do in a situation like this-- your name is already on the prayer roll in Nauvoo and St. Louis and I've already purchased your get well card! Even though I am lost at the thought of losing you, I will have faith and know that all will be well come what may now or in the future. But let's shoot for the future, okay! And grandma-- I'll see you soon. Maybe for Christmas if we can figure things out to get home. In the meantime, I will be here-- loving and honoring you. Thank you for your life. Thank you for your love. Thank you for my mother. Thank you for my faith. I love you. And I thank God that I've had this opportunity to tell you in so many words before it is too late.

To anyone who may have persevered through this incredibly long post-- may I encourage you to let those who you love and admire know it now. Or you may never get the opportunity to, and trust me, you will regret it.

A Better Life

2007-11-11T20:38:00.000-06:00

I'm a big Keith Urban fan. I love his upbeat music. Most of it is pretty mindless, but it's got a catchy modern feel and let's just be honest... what Idaho girl doesn't just love a good country tune? Tonight was a little hard for me. This is due-- in a very large part-- to the fact that I am a big fat baby. Finals weeks is upon us in full swing and Andrew has been up to his eyebrows studying for what has seemed like an eternity. I miss him. I miss him a lot. He is my best friend-- the one I want to curl up with, to hang out with, to just be with-- and I MISS HIM!!! Not only physically, but mentally too. I miss my husband. Andrew is not a habitual Sunday studier-- he avoided it completely during the first year and this year has avoided it when he could. But for the third week in a row he has reluctantly had to head out to the library to hit the books on what is supposed to be our day of rest. And dang it-- we could use a rest. I feel bad for the poor guy, but I am ashamed to say I feel bad for me too. We all need a break from this crazy road we call medical school and I do not hesitate to say that this week will not end soon enough.

But I digress. I don't typically listen to non-church music on Sundays- but tonight when he hit the road to hit the books I'll admit that I felt a little rebellious and decided to crank up the tunes while doing the Sunday dishes alone in a lame effort to drown out the fact that I wish my husband could stay with me tonight. So I fired up the old CD player and shoved in the first CD I could grab and- what do you know- good old Keith-e-poo was filling my room with a tune that really hit home-- here are the lyrics:

Friday night and the moon is high
I'm wide-awake just watchin' you sleep
And I promise you you're gonna have
More than just the things that you need
We ain't got much now, We're just startin' out
But I know somehow paradise is comin'

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Oh now there's a place for you and me
Where we can dream as big as the sky
I know it's hard to see it now
But baby someday we're gonna fly
This road we're on, you know it might be long
But my faith is strong
It's all that really matters

Someday baby, You and I are gonna be the ones
Good luck's gonna shine
Someday baby you and I are gonna be the ones
So hold on
We're headed for a better life

Hey we're gonna leave this all behind us baby, wait and see
We're headed for a better life, you and me
We're gonna break the chains that bind and, finally we'll be free
We're gonna be the ones that have it all, you and me
Just hold on tight now baby
We're headed for a better life

So... this one is going out to you Andrew. I miss you babe. I miss the carefree days when the weekends were ours. I miss the days when we could snuggle all night and wake up late to a cup of hot chocolate and play phase ten all afternoon. I miss cooking together. I miss walking lazily-- headed nowhere-- hand in hand. I miss grocery shopping together. I miss just doing nothing-- together. I miss you. I miss us.

But fifth quarter is coming to an end-- and I think we can make it. I thought that last year would never end, but in retrospect it really did fly by. We can do this. We can make it. Just hold on tight babe-- we're headed for a better life.

A shout out to all of you doing this medical school thing too--- five more days and Thanksgiving break will be upon us. And hey-- at least we will have another thing to be REALLY TRULY grateful for this year! Add a feather to my thankful turkey, baby. Break times a comin'!

Going Once, Going Twice...

2007-11-10T22:13:00.000-06:00

Tonight was a fabulous night. It was spent in the company of some of the most incredible women I have ever met at the SAA November Social- Service Auction! We laughed, we talked, and we bid bid bid!!! It was comparable on the kicks and giggles scale to a quality ebay bidding experience. That is saying a lot because I LOVE ebay. Why? I'll be honest. I think even more than the fact that the shopping here in Kirksville is not always as diverse as I would hope... it is the thrill of the chase that the ebay shopping experience includes that keeps me coming back for more time and time again.

The ebay auction experience is just quality from beginning to end. You start by perusing the web retailers until you find exactly the item that you have been looking for, bargain shop around online comparing prices from store to store--even checking out recently completed auctions on ebay-- and then zero in on a few of the coveted items on ebay being auctioned by reputable sellers at a mere fraction of the cost. Equally sweet is the fact that everything on ebay comes through the mail so you get to experience the agony of the wait and the thrill of the mail delivery that is difficult to match. But unarguably it is the last few minutes of the auction which are always the best. I have been known to be so very lame as to set alarms for myself during the day or night to remind me to finish out the last few minutes of the auction I am currently obsessing over live. I've more than once won an auction with a bid placed with mere seconds remaining on the clock. Those ones are always the best. I get an adrenalin rush just thinking about it. The deals you can get are incredible on ebay... especially if you do your research and are willing to wait for the right thing at the right price to come along. So yes, I am an ebay-o-holic and tonight's auction experience was a great fix for my little addiction. But tonight's auction had one distinct advantage. At the end of the month it will not be just one more thing on the bank statement that I will find myself somewhat regretting.

This is how it worked: everyone brought a couple of items or services to donate. I brought a fresh loaf of my organic whole grain bread with a coupon for a loaf every week for a month (thank you sweet Rebecca for your delectable recipe and fantastic auction idea!), one of my super-cute bebe*burp burp cloths ( http://www.bebeburps.blogspot.com), and a two hour session of life coaching for an individual or couple using the Covey system for values clarification, mission statement setup, and time management skills. I'm honestly not sure whether I got more of a high off of actually winning my coveted auctions or watching others bid on the things I had brought-- but I was sailing high all night long.

We earned our bidding points by answering questions on a little quiz that awarded points based on what you had done lately that was good-- like making your bed, exercising, shaving your legs (missed that one...), knowing how to change a tire (oh, and that one too...), etc. We even got points for how many diapers we had changed today or times we had nursed a baby during the day. I can honestly say that I was actually thankful for a moment for the cute little stinky bottoms that I see a little too often each day and for the tiger-fanged little Benjamin who is a nursing fiend. It passed quickly, but gratitude I did feel if but for a brief moment in time!

We all got a chance to check out the merchandise before the bidding frenzy began. In true Ruth form I made a list of things that I would like to bid on and then prioritized them according to how badly I wanted them. I was most interested in the services that I admire in my friends: Debbie's photo editing skills, Tasheena's beautiful tapestries, Lisa's baking skills, April's swimming lessons, Alyson's piano lessons... the list went on and on. It was difficult to narrow it down- but I did. At the top of my list was help in making a quilt from my dear friend Melissa. I've been wanting to do this for a while, and I am so grateful that she offered this in the auction because now I won't feel quite as guilty in taking her up on the offer to teach me!

The bidding started and I was floored by the energy in the room. My sweet friend Rachel had arranged with two incredible professional auctioneers to do the auction pro-bono which really set a great tone for the event. It was exciting and thrilling and I found myself tempted to bid on things not even on my list just because it was so darn exciting to do it. But, I refrained. I saved my points until Melissa's auction came up, and I enthusiastically bid again and again (and possibly stared down the competition with all of the bad-sportsmen-like behavior I could muster)... and was able to score the prize with 19 points to spare. 310 points for the quilting experience of my dreams. Worth every diaper-- every middle-of-the-night nursing-- and every last vegetable choked down to get there!!!

With only 19 points remaining one might worry that my excitement and enthusiasm might have wavered. But don't fret--it didn't. The rest of the auction was a hoot. I loved watching my friends compete for their coveted prizes. I loved learning more about people by the things that they bid on and the way that they bid. All in all, I had a blast. The $1 bill auctioned by my hilarious friend Tara that I got with 15 of my remaining 19 points was just icing on the cake. Hey-- I even left with 4 points remaining. Talk about provident living!

Anyway... what a great night. So much work was put into it and I am so grateful to sweet Rachel for putting it all together-- to the awesome auctioneers for giving of their time and talents so freely-- to the kind Truman sorority girls who volunteered to watch all the kids for free for the night so they wouldn't have to witness their mommies gone wild-- and to all of my friends for making what could have been just another finals-week-widow-pity-party of an evening into a night that I just may never forget. Going, going.... I was gone!

An Interesting Fall Morning With Baby Thoreau

2007-11-07T13:13:00.000-06:00

This morning was interesting. We woke up at the crack of dawn to find Andrew already gone... another big test today (good luck honey! ;) Looking at this pillow I don't think he even made it to bed last night, again. I will not miss fifth quarter at all when it's over. We made Erin's amazing blender pancakes and then snuggled for a while on the couch reading and giggling until we realized that we only had about ten minutes to finish getting ready and out the door before Noah's preschool would START!!! So, in a quick flurry we threw things together and got out the door. We were thrilled to find that the leaves had started to fall en-mass from the beautiful trees that surround our home. It was magical and for a split second I found myself seriously considering keeping Noah home with us all morning just to watch the leaves fall. I didn't of course, but we did enjoy watching the falling leaves all the way to school and back. When we got home we dashed to the front porch and sat on our wicker bench to continue to watch them fall. It was serene and wonderful and I decided that in spite of the cold, I really do love Autumn. I was so surprised when my giggly Ben started to fuss when I realized that I had let half an hour slip away snuggling on the porch and the children I babysit were going to be there soon and the remnants of breakfast were still in the kitchen and on the table (sad, I know!) He fussed uncharacteristically all the way through the morning dishes-- usually he loves to sit and watch me work and giggle at the bubbles-- he even fussed when I vacuumed up the remnants of the pancakes, one of his favorite tasks lately. He seemed so upset, but I just couldn't figure out what the problem was. He was jerking and jiggling and trying desperately to make me understand what it was that he was trying so hard to say. And then it hit me-- he wanted to continue to watch the leaves! I moved the porch bench away from the window and positioned him on our leather bench at the front window so he could watch while I worked. He googled and giggled and stared the morning away--literally. He sat there for a good hour, until the arrival of some of our friends finally distracted him enough to pull away. I've got an Autumn boy-- a miniature Thoreau... what a treat! I look forward to indulging his new interests and learning a lot along the way. Thank goodness for interesting morning and thank goodness for little friends who help us stop and remember that it is the little things, like a magical fall morning, that make life so very wonderful indeed.

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
Henry David Thoreau

Food, Friends, Make-up, and New Beginnings

2007-11-07T08:25:00.000-06:00

Last night I hosted a little get together for a friend who sells Mary Kay. Now, don't panic. It wasn't one of those let's all sit around and listen for an hour then do our make-up in front of everyone high-pressure type of deals. No-- it was just a fun night with good music, great food, and good friends enjoying all our make-up purchases at 50% off all night! It was great.

Even better than the great purchases I made, I enjoyed the company of some of my nearest and dearest friends here in Kirksville. We had a great time gabbing late into the night. For the first time in weeks I didn't feel lonely as the minutes of the night crept later and later. It was nice. Anyway, during one of our many random conversations throughout the night we started talking about blogs and how many of my friends use their blogs as journals-- family history record keeping type places to keep a log of all things exciting in their lives. Many expressed that they use their blogs as an outlet to express themselves and even make sense of this crazy journey through life.

So-- I got to thinking about my below-par attempt at a blog I had begun er... let's just say several months previous. And, I decided that this is it. My new opportunity to do better. So... here goes! Thanks for the inspiration gals! :) I'll post some photos from our little get together last night and some of the yummy treats we served. It was a blast!

Father's Day

2007-06-18T23:55:00.000-05:00

This father's day was different than any other we've had. In the past, the kids have helped me buy an elaborate gift to honor Andrew, their super-dad. This year we were on a very different type of budget. So instead of buying something, we made him a collage of "daddy" pictures. Looking through all these pictures really made me think. Andrew really is the perfect father. He gives so much to be the very best he can. He is so hard on himself-- a closet perfectionist-- and I worry that he doesn't realize what an incredible dad he is. He is so busy with his school-- waking before the sun comes up every morning and burning the midnight oil every night to do the very best he can in med school, and yet there has yet to come a time when we've really needed him that he hasn't been there and been more than ready to help and be involved in any way. While Benjamin was in the NICU in Columbia, Andrew was there with him- every second he could be- to take care of Benjamin and to look after me. While Benjamin's status was critical, he completely took off school, missing almost two full weeks worth of classes and labs (which for most people translates into medical school suicide)-- and then commuting to and from Kirksville every day to attend classes and be with his family as Benjamin healed and got better. He gave everything he could to serve and love his family, putting his schooling on the backburner to insure our well-being. Luckily he was able to finish the term with flying colors-- a real miracle-- but even that didn't make him as happy as he was the day he carried his baby out of the hospital to take him home. He is a good man and an incredible father and this father's day I pay tribute to him for everything he has given and everything that he does to be the world's best dad-- bar none.

Brothers

2007-06-18T22:58:00.000-05:00

My boys are so wonderful, I love watching them interact. Benjamin is only two months old, and yet Noah can keep him giggling and laughing for the longest time. Noah takes his self-imposed role as Benjamin's protector very seriously. He insists on attending all of Benjamin's doctors appointments with him, and always wants to hold his hand when he knows things will hurt. Noah is very protective of Benjamin whenever we take him out in public with us. Benjamin was born very sick and is still recovering, and Noah is so good to look after him and keep others at bay. They are the best of friends already, and I love that they love each other like they do. Most of all though, they adore their sister Emma. I love to watch them watch her as she sings to them or plays with them. They love her and you can just tell that my three have been close friends for much, much longer than the short time I have been so lucky to be their mom. It's incredible to me how close they are-- how they can sense each others needs and understand each other, even when all Ben can do is gurgle and giggle. Often Noah knows what Benjamin needs or wants long before I can figure it out. What a special gift they have been given in one another. I feel so lucky to be here to witness it all. Brothers-- what a gift.

2007-06-18T22:52:00.000-05:00

Emma Jane-- my breath of sweet, fresh air. She is the smiling face that wakes me up early every morning, the only person in the universe who could get away with it making me smile all the while. She is pure and sweet and gentle and I love her so much. Emma is a very giving little girl. She looks out for her brothers and is always thinking of them first. She loves LOVES her binky, but if either of the boys are sad, she will give it to them without being asked without a second thought. When she is given a treat, it makes her happy, ecstatic even, to share it with you. She loves to make you laugh and to see you smile. Whenever I am sad or stressed, she is always there with "hugs mommy" or "mommy, smile". She is always good for a hug or a cuddle. She reminds me that life is good and God is good and the world is really, really good. Thank goodness for Emma Jane.

Blue Eyes

2007-05-31T15:25:00.000-05:00

Deep, blue eyes... gorgeous blue eyes that get this kid out of all kinds of trouble and steal my heart every time I look into them. Like windows into his beautiful little soul, his eyes are deep and sweet and oh-so-BLUE! He is a true-blue boy, so I guess his eyes are just the physical evidence of who he is inside. He is about as predictable as any little kid could be. He's only three, but little Blue Eyes LOVES plans and thrives on a schedule. Like his mommy, he loves to make lists and is incredibly organized and sensitive. I am so grateful to be his mommy, and I'm SO grateful to have this sweet little friend as a part of my every day existence. I don't think it gets much better than this!

Beautiful Babies

2007-05-31T15:13:00.000-05:00

Many of my old friends and colleagues don't believe me when I tell them that what I am doing is playing with beautiful babies all day long. But-- it is true. I've got three of them and trust me, they would take your breath away. They do it to me all the time. Noah Marvin was my first baby, and he stole my heart from day one. He will be four in October and I cannot believe how time has flown. He is such a good little friend. I feel so lucky to be his mom, and I learn so much from him every day. Emmaline Jane is the sweetest little thing this world may ever know. She will be two in August. According to the growth charts she is "failure to thrive"-- she is the tiniest little ball of energy and life-- but her heart big and sweet, and she is active and very, very healthy. She keeps me smiling and running and I am so lucky to have her in my life. Benjamin Brian was born just this April. He is my miracle baby. Born with a hole in his heart mixed with several other complications, we almost lost him. But he was a fighter right from the beginning. He taught me that God can heal hearts, both literally and figuratively, and is the physical manifestation of my renewal of love and hope and faith in myself and the world around me. He is getting better and stronger every day, and I feel so grateful to be able to hold him and love him whenever I want to-- to look into his sweet blue eyes and see a glimpse of what has been and what is to come. What a treat!